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CHAPTER 18 n KEEP YOUR PLAN CURRENT p
How to Start a Family Conversation
or many people, estate planning is both a private matter and a morbid
topic – not something they want to discuss. It’s essential for spouses
to have these conversations. Increasingly, they’re taking place between parents and their adult children, too.
Families that speak freely about estate planning can sometimes address awkward situations that might arise, like the choice of the executor – who is in charge of distributing assets after someone dies – or succession plans for a family business or the leaving of assets in trust. While clearing the air takes a lot of courage, it can help avoid surprises, lead to better inancial planning and promote family harmony.
How families handle delicate issues depends both on the particular circumstances and the personalities involved. Sometimes it is best to have a series of talks rather than covering everything at once. Depending on whom you are talking with, here are some conversation starters.
With your spouse or partner. Couples have their own special ways of com- municating, and you know better than anyone which approach will play best with your mate. You can emphasize your own mortality (“I’d like to talk about ways to provide for you and the family in case something happens to me”), make it a subject of mutual concern (“We’re not getting any younger – I think it’s time we did our wills”) or focus on the children (“Now that we are parents, we really shouldn’t procrastinate any longer about doing our wills”).
Sometimes it’s easier to start with current events or an anecdote about other people. Perhaps it’s a movie you saw, a book you read, a news report about someone your age who recently died or a sudden death in your com- munity. If a friend or family member has talked to you about her or his own plan (say you’re the godmother of a friend’s new baby), it can help take the sting off confronting the awful thought that one of you is likely to go irst. Those who encounter pushback from a spouse or partner have a card to play that’s probably not appropriate for other people who are broaching the topic: “We owe this much to each other” or “Please do this for my sake.”
With adult children. While parents have no obligation to change an estate plan after hearing a child’s preferences, disclosing what they plan can help
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